do things alone.
an ode to hanging out with yourself.
Go on an eight-mile hike and walk with your arms spread out so the wind cools you off. Reward yourself for said hike with a margarita and tres leches cake from the local Mexican place just down the mountain.
Move to a town you’ve never heard of that has no one you know. Do it again. Do it a third time, decide to stay for a while, but understand you’ll be chasing the unknown your entire life.
Go to a restaurant and nod when the host asks if it’ll be just one this evening. Find out you really enjoy the taste of lobster bisque and still can’t drink red wine, even though you want to like it. Find a corner in a coffee shop that doesn’t close until late and write letters to your friends who live hundreds of miles away from you. Wash out the taste of envelope adhesive with a fresh cortado. Wander into a bar before heading home from work and talk to the staff until you leave as friends. Drive with all your windows down and blast music as loud as you possibly can. Pull over and scream your lungs out. Realize the pastures, trees and livestock you’ve driven past for years are the prettiest things you’ve ever seen.
Sit in your room and make a 16-hour-long playlist of your favorite songs. Walk into a tattoo parlor and leave with something new on your right arm. Read the blurb of every book that interests you at the public library. Buy a new dress and see the ballet. Cry because Swan Lake is beautiful.
Cry your eyes out and then dance in your living room until you feel better. Watch the rain from your back porch and wait for your nail polish to dry. Feed the stray cat. Name her Edwina.
Wander around a department store and leave with your makeup fully done. Wander around a thrift store and leave with your new favorite pair of shoes. They’re red, strappy with a heel. Walk barefoot in your yard. Draw on your driveway with chalk. Plant wildflowers in the garden beds. Watch them grow.
Buy sunglasses only you think are cool. Get a drink and tell someone you aren’t interested. Get a drink and tell someone you are interested.
Put on a short skirt and dance under the disco ball with your eyes closed and head thrown back. Order tacos from the truck you’ve been meaning to stop at. Ride a bike around your neighborhood with headphones. Sing loudly.
Cut your hair; practice caution. Live alone at least once to figure out if you like sleeping when it’s cold or hot. Take French lessons. Buy origami paper and teach yourself how to make paper cranes. Practice yoga. Tell someone you like their shoes, and thank yourself later.
Make up rules that only you have to follow, like holding your breath whenever a pink car passes you by. Make weird faces in the mirror when you brush your teeth. Research places to swim. Fall asleep on the couch with a record still spinning. Dream of the people you know and don’t. Wonder why you think the most about those who hurt you.
Make the decision to leave on your own. Make sure the last words you say are “I love you.” Write notes you’ll never send and questions you’ll never ask. Read them when you want. Start collecting seashells. Wear bright red lipstick. Wear your grandmother’s overalls as you clean the house. Open a window because you still don’t know how to properly cook bacon. Volunteer on the weekends because it makes you feel good. Read every placard at an art museum and buy something from the souvenir shop. Smile at strangers first.
Do the hard stuff. Work through heartbreak. Accept the consequences. Make your peace. Realize how different you are now from a year ago, a week, a day, a couple of hours ago.
Meditate. Take a long shower and consider getting bangs again. Drive to the grocery store only to buy flowers. Begin and finish a book on the same day. Sit on a park bench and drink a root beer float. Watch the sunset.
Do things alone and know I’m doing them with you. Do things alone because there’s always an occasion to do something.
Do things alone and be grateful for the things you do together. Eat a slice of chocolate tres leches cake and remember the cake your grandmother used to make. Go hiking alone and plan your next camping trip with friends. Enjoy dinner alone and remember to bring someone else with you next time.
Get to know yourself. Realize the biggest compliment someone can give you is that you are truly yourself.
Do things alone to see things differently. To see yourself differently.
